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JuryFury Chat     I-Traderschool     QuietPoly.com    Contributors   Research     Future Discussions                   June 15th, 2004
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US Elections




Dick Cheney’s Bringing the Potato Salad
by Eric M Hoover



The Barbecue


It would be interesting to see how the current heads of state would act during your local neighborhood barbecue.  President Bush would most defiantly walk up to the Weber Charcoal Grill (painted with the colors of the American flag, no doubt) and appear to be at the helm of the cook off, even if a Hawaiian shirt wearing Dick Cheney is standing right behind, whispering grilling instructions into the world leader's ear. 


Donald Rumsfeld would be lounging in his lawn chair; fully equipped with Big Gulp size cup-holders, a fan, ice bucket and a Semper Fi sticker across the back.  He would be telling old war stories while smoking a Cuban cigar and complaining about how the kids these days don't understand what's right and wrong in the world and the only one paying attention to him would be Colin Powell. Tom Ridge would be passed out in a hammock off to the side of the party with empty beer cans surrounding him, and Condoleezza Rice would be doing the mambo with George Tenet.




The Poll

A recent survey taken by the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute showed voters would rather grill burgers and kick back a few beers with President Bush than with Senator John Kerry.  In the survey, taken by registered voters throughout the United States, half of those polled said they would rather go to a barbecue with George W, 39% chose to roast hotdogs and marshmallows with Kerry and 11% just could not decide between those two wonderful backyard guests.


This survey helps to show just how important image and personality matter when voters go to choose the next President of the United States.  Likeability has always been a key factor in winning over the American public.  Many believe the deadpan speeches of Al Gore may have cost Vice-President votes in 2000.  President Clinton was always ready to win over the "regular guy" vote with his daily jogs, his enjoyment of various junk foods and his love of the Jazz saxophone. 


Other results from the same survey showed voters split on whether they would like Kerry or Bush to teach their children in school.  This would give the candidates a wonderful opportunity to show how important they can be to our future leaders.  John Kerry could be that cool history teacher everybody had in high school: the one who was a Vietnam War Vet, who may or may not have come back with a case of Agent Orange and also may or may not be a "few bullets short of a full clip."  He would go on about the time he and Goose and Tex went into the bush with the 27th Calvary Division and fended off a swarm of Viet Cong troops.


Likeability is one of the more important factors voters choose to look at when election time rolls around.  Luckily, most voters also chose to review a candidate's stance on current issues and their experience as a leader.  Because honestly, the guy across the street with the 52 inch HDTV and the two-in-one Craftsman grill/stove set may be cool to hang with on Saturday afternoons, but would you really want him running the country?


For more on the Bush/Kerry Barbecue poll, click here.
http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/elections/article.adp?id=20040526201509990001






Note: A special thanks to Brendan Schneider, my dear friend and political rival, who has passed along yet another hilariously true tale of American politics for me to poke fun at.  Thank you, Sir.





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